Despite the millions of changes that occur in the course of recovery; the last thing we change are our expectations. No matter how good things become we expect the most painful parts of our past to recur in some life-long pattern of déjà vu.
We all know that happiness isn’t a destination but we’re a society that loves the lies of romantic comedy films.
Settling is a great example of how people continue to utilize addictive thinking even in long term recovery. As the adage goes, “Everything you most want is on the other side of fear.”
So many of us are overly concerned with the opinions of others. We make comparisons that are invalid, project onto others what their opinion of us is, and often reject ourselves before anyone else gets a chance to.
I know that when I say things out loud; it makes them more real, which makes it harder for me to ignore them or stuff them away. Maybe it seems strange that I talk to myself, but when I do it only in my head, I risk being less than honest. When I say it out loud, I notice the ways in which I might be justifying, rationalizing, or minimizing.