There’s a world full of things you can be indifferent toward. Your recovery isn’t one of them.
I eat out a lot. If you ask me where I want to go to lunch, there’s a good chance I’ll be indifferent. I’ll go where you want to go. This type of indifference is healthy – it leads to accommodating those I care about.
At other times, especially when stress and fears run high, indifference results in getting in our own way because we’re uncomfortable expressing or acting on what we want/need. This results in being on the fence – indecisive, apprehensive, and anxious.
Sometimes we avoid. We convince ourselves that doing nothing is an acceptable course of (in)action. We’re passive. We tell ourselves that we’re “going with the flow”, but on the inside, we’re a mess. We want a different outcome, but we wait for someone else to decide or push us off the fence.
Other times, we withdraw and over think things. We act as though anticipating every possible scenario before making a decision is somehow a good idea. We justify this by telling ourselves that we don’t want to rush into anything.
Meanwhile, our ass stays firmly planted on the fence because we want something better but we don’t want to go through the discomfort that’s necessary to get it.
It’s lonely being on the fence. It’s like listening to Dave Matthews’ music – peaceful and mellow, but too much of it and you just find yourself feeling melancholy and lethargic because poor Dave can’t get out of his own way either.
We crave comfort and familiarity. We favor predictability and the false sense of security it provides. We play it safe and avoid taking risks. This inevitably leads to being stuck, which leads to depression, because it’s all just the same old stuff.
We tell everyone we’re, “just tired.” In truth, we’re drained and progressively ambivalent about our lives. Instead of getting support and drawing from different (healthier) perspectives, we stand firmly in our own way.
Struggling alone is like being in quicksand. Still, we’re unlikely to call out for a lifeline until we’re practically drowning.
For most of us, there comes the point at which we’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired. This is where changes become undeniably necessary. We’re tired of hiding, tired of over thinking, and ready to do whatever it takes to get past it. The best thing we can do at this juncture is admitting to supportive friends/family that we’ve been driving ourselves nuts.
There’s a weird sense of déjà vu that immediately follows those conversations. We know we’ve put ourselves through this before. If we’re honest, we vaguely recall making past promises to ourselves that we’d not get trapped in our heads like that again.
We’re slow learners who need support from kindred spirits.
The more we surround ourselves with good people, the less opportunity we have to get in our own way. We can enjoy solitude, but being alone for more than a brief time is never going to be healthy for us. The more we’re accountable for our needs and goals, the less we get in our own way.
Are you ready to overcome your inner demons and break free from addiction, for good?
Take the 1st step now, and sign up to my 28-day online recovery program here.
All the best,
Jim LaPierre is an addictions and trauma recovery expert. He is the cofounder of Sobernow.com. Jim invites your comments and questions: [email protected]