A big part of recovery is noticing habits that don’t serve us and replacing them. Sometimes it’s as simple as identifying an emotional reflex. Example: Sometimes I catch myself feeling down and my brain immediately sets out to investigate why that is.
I’ve come to understand that control is fear-based and more importantly, largely an illusion. On my good days, the only thing I’m in charge of is myself. On my great days, I’m not in control of me – my Higher Power is. I surrender on a daily basis – asking my Higher Power to work through me to give and receive.
When we talk about our “trust issues” we’re often referring to our fears of judgment and rejection. Our experiences both in growing up and in active use taught us to expect it. It’s a hard piece to reconcile. The people in our lives today are very different than those who gave us a distorted sense of self.
I know that when I say things out loud; it makes them more real, which makes it harder for me to ignore them or stuff them away. Maybe it seems strange that I talk to myself, but when I do it only in my head, I risk being less than honest. When I say it out loud, I notice the ways in which I might be justifying, rationalizing, or minimizing.