There’s a meme to the effect of, “I remind myself that my survival rate of bad days is 100%.” I’ve gotten through the last three hours by saying to myself, “Just do what you can. Just do the next right thing.” This is me officially starting my day over. I’m not going to agonize. I’m not even going to stress. I’m going to practice acceptance while mindful of what my friends in AA say, “You don’t have to like something to accept it.”
One of the many joys of having an addictive personality is chronically doing too much. It’s way too easy for me – everything in my life is really great stuff. All of my problems are good problems. On mornings like this one, my head is spinning in an effort to gauge what it is I should be doing right now.
I’ve learned that the expectations and standards we hold ourselves to serve as guiding principles in our lives. Like many in recovery, I found myself repeatedly crumbling under the weight of the demands I placed on myself, the pressure I put on myself to juggle an impossible number of undertakings, and the absence of support that I allowed myself.
When we talk about our “trust issues” we’re often referring to our fears of judgment and rejection. Our experiences both in growing up and in active use taught us to expect it. It’s a hard piece to reconcile. The people in our lives today are very different than those who gave us a distorted sense of self.
God speaks to me in lots of ways. The conversation with my friend today gave me pause to reflect on just how important the things I’ve been stressed about are. I know that all of my problems are good problems and still I sometimes try to run the show instead of letting my Higher Power be in control.