There’s an adage my friends in AA use to describe the fear of transformation, “One, two, three… drink. One, two, three drink.” This is a reference to working steps 1-3 in recovery, only to return (often briefly) to drinking and using.
On my good days, the only reason I make plans is to hear my Higher Power laugh. Given everything our country is experiencing right now and in the midst of overwhelming need for support in mental health and substance use disorder…I fell into the same old trap and made plans.
Our fears are often irrational, but given our experience, it makes sense that we fear becoming something we are not. Thus, we who were raised to believe that we weren’t good enough, now come to fear that we’re “too much.”