There’s an adage my friends in AA use to describe the fear of transformation, “One, two, three… drink. One, two, three drink.” This is a reference to working steps 1-3 in recovery, only to return (often briefly) to drinking and using.
I want to know what sustains you when you’re overwhelmed? I hope you have lots of answers to that question and I hope that list includes some pretty stellar people. I am grateful for the folks my HP puts in my life. When I look at my support system, my ego would like to believe that I’m so clever that I went out and found these folks – but it’s just not true.
I’ve learned that the expectations and standards we hold ourselves to serve as guiding principles in our lives. Like many in recovery, I found myself repeatedly crumbling under the weight of the demands I placed on myself, the pressure I put on myself to juggle an impossible number of undertakings, and the absence of support that I allowed myself.
When we talk about our “trust issues” we’re often referring to our fears of judgment and rejection. Our experiences both in growing up and in active use taught us to expect it. It’s a hard piece to reconcile. The people in our lives today are very different than those who gave us a distorted sense of self.